Have you ever found yourself overwhelmed, struggling with a situation, and then uttering those words, "I can handle it"? It's a phrase commonly used by high achievers, deep feelers, and intellectuals who are facing challenges. But let's take a moment to reevaluate this phrase and explore how we can empower ourselves by reframing our approach. In this blog post, we'll delve into the meaning of "handle," discuss its implications, and discover three steps to release the pressure and embrace a more effective mindset.
In the context of the blog post, we primarily focus on the...
We all face those moments when we feel stuck, when problems seem insurmountable, and our sense of humor takes a back seat. But what if I told you there's a game that can lighten the mood and bring a fresh perspective to even the stickiest situations?
The Game That Changes the Game
During a particularly eventful trip back from Mexico with my family during Christmas, we encountered one setback after another. Our flight was delayed, and upon reaching Minneapolis, we were greeted by a customs line that seemed to stretch into eternity. Frustration was brewing, but then an idea struck me. I introduced my family to a game I call "What's worse than this?"
The Rules of the Game
The rules are simple: You take turns coming up with things that are "worse" than the current situation. We let our imaginations run wild, and the responses were nothing short of hilarious. One of my kids deadpans, "What's worse than being stuck in customs? Being bald!" Cue laughter and an instant shift in energy...
The status quo. Just the mention of it can create stress and discomfort.
“The status quo” is that pervasive belief that things should remain as they have always been, with little room for questioning or challenging the norm. But for me, the status quo is not just stressful; it's a barrier to truth and authentic living.
One aspect of the status quo that particularly strikes a chord with me is top-down leadership.
Picture this: a company boasting about its commitment to diversity, equity, and inclusion. They may even have a Chief Diversity Officer in place. But when you look at the leadership team, it's filled with predominantly white, older men. There's a stark disparity between the company's proclaimed values and representation within the upper echelons of power.
This incongruence triggers a visceral and physical reaction within me. It's a dissonance. The status quo perpetuates inequalities and hinders progress. It keeps us from realizing our full potential...
Let's face it – I'm not one for superficiality. Parties, keeping up with the Jones’, and small talk with a drink in my hand have never been my scene. It's not just a matter of preference; it goes deeper than that. For me, engaging in conversations about trivial matters feels hollow and unfulfilling.
I've reached a point where I crave conversations that delve into the depths of the human experience. I want to talk about your soul, your dreams, your fears, and your passions! Small talk simply can't satisfy that hunger within me.
It hasn't always been easy embracing this side of myself. In a world that often prioritizes surface-level interactions, I've felt self-conscious about my inclination toward deep conversations. I wondered if there was something wrong with me or if I was somehow out of sync with the norm.
But here's the truth I've come to embrace: the people I connect with on a deeper level are the ones who understand and appreciate the raw authenticity that I bring....
Have you ever stopped to think about the origins of the words you use daily? Words like "control freak," "perfectionist," "leader," and even "bitch" are often used to describe ourselves and others, but have you ever considered where they came from and what power they hold?
For me, the etymology of words has been a tool for healing and empowerment. By examining the roots of common words and phrases, I have found ways to reframe what they mean to me. I can now use them to connect with myself and the world around me more deeply.
This practice has helped me understand my relationship with myself and my relationship with language and systems. After all, language is a system; if we want to lead effectively, it's essential to be intentional with our language.
But why does this matter?
We think and speak to ourselves all day long. Often the words we use when thinking of ourselves are not kind, not valid, and not even consciously chosen. We usually don't share those mean thoughts with...
Today we're talking about ever present "shoulds."
Last week, we had a sabbatical week here at When You Lead and it was one of the most profound breaks that I have ever had. The amount of purging that we did as a family, the amount of emotional release that I did personally, the amount of clarity that has come in from my business...phenomenal.
It was a really great reminder for me to take intentional breaks. It was really a great reminder that I want and crave that creative time. I get up between 4:30 and 5 am every day. That is a sacred sacred time.
I have not always been this way. I was an absolute night owl growing up and through college. This is beautiful quiet time in the morning, before my phone is on, before anyone is up in my home. It's a really saturated energy. And part of what I do during this morning spaciousness is I write. I write a lot. Some of what I write is in a gratitude journal. This works for me and I love it.
Now, you have probably been...
One question I hear a lot when I’m speaking with potential clients goes something like, “what’s wrong with me?” I think that’s such an interesting question. Typically, the reason they’re asking this is because from the outside looking in, it looks like they have everything going for them: the career, the partnership, the home, and everything else that makes a “picture perfect” life. So then why do they feel this way?
Alternatively, they have so much going on in their jobs, home, and community, that they can’t possibly keep all the balls in the air. So instead of asking “what’s gotta give?” they ask questions like “what’s wrong with me, and why can’t I keep up with everything?” There’s this self-accusation that is rampant amongst high achievers and high performers. Turns out, “what is wrong with me?” is simply the wrong question to be asking.
In my line of work, my clients encounter many of the same crossroads. I work primarily with people who are in their late 30s, early 40s and into their 50s, and they’re usually in the season of life where they’ve checked all the boxes. The boxes go something like this: finish college, get married, have kids, maybe get divorced, maybe start a business. Once all the boxes have been checked, many times they sit back and think…
“I’m so overwhelmed, and yet so bored. What should I do now?”
“I’ve done everything that was expected of me, and I still don’t feel the way I was promised to feel”
“I’ve checked all the boxes, and this life isn’t actually what I want.”
There is this overarching feeling of somehow they did it wrong, and that maybe there’s something wrong with them. There are all these feelings that might be flooding them: failure, overwhelm, dullness.
Today I am taking you inside my journal. I've been tripping down memory lane for a little while looking for clues, confirmation, and growth. I’m going to take you to 2005. I had graduated college and I was working in my first “real” job.
I like to tell people that this was my drug dealing phase, because I was a pharmaceutical rep. To set the stage: It was a “perfect” first job. I was given a car, a phone, all the benefits, a 401k, and had flexibility and freedom. But what made it imperfect was that I was doing something that I didn't love. It was very status quo- on the outside, it looked like exactly the job that I should want to have. It fit the definition of societal success. And yet, I had this really hollow feeling even during the interview process, even when they were flying me all over for these extra interviews. I’m not going to lie - I did feel really cool, but I didn't feel fulfilled. I didn't feel that inner click. As I'm reading...
Do you have a favorite way to process your emotions, life circumstances, and thoughts? I do. I have been journaling since I was a little kid. I have found journaling to be an amazing way for me to connect with my feelings and thoughts. It's a clarifying exercise that I have found highly beneficial throughout my whole life. In the past few days, I have been celebrating a season of growth here within my company. I’ve been reflecting and asking the universe, “can you just show me how far I've come?”
Not only do I love writing in my journals, but I love going back and reading old ones, too. As I’ve been celebrating and reflecting on this season of growth at Lead From Within, I’ve been opening up my old journals and reading through them. I've been especially inviting perspective and clarity especially around my patterns and habits. If you stop and take a moment to notice, you’ll realize that we all have these very predictable patterns. I came...